Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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