please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
