if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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