she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
