Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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