How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
