I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
