I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
