You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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