I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
