He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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