The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
