so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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