am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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