me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
