her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is classic penis vs brain.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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