their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
