He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
