dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
