dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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