mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
