He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
