What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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