hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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