she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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