if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
