she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
