Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
