they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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