Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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