I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
