last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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