Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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