My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
