Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
