sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
