i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she smelled like a LAN party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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