i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
