I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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