this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
