i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
