we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
