Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
