didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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