How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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