Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
