I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
