Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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