she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
