Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
