He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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