Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
